Over the course of human history, sexual innuendo has been a fine art. Hell, Chaucer did it, and he's some sort of crazy literary legend. For some reason, it's much better to write songs, poetry and Hallmark cards that allude to sex in metaphor and subtext without ever actually saying explicit things about sex. Additionally, the theory has been put forward by men greater than myself that all rock songs are about sex.

    Honestly, I could understand why. I mean, Warrant did a song called "Cherry Pie" - how could anyone misinterpret that one?  Certainly, some songs are pretty subtle. "Pink Cadillac," by Bruce Springsteen, is obviously about sex:

"They say Eve tempted Adam with an apple.
Man, I ain't going for that.
I know it was her Pink Cadillac."

    Need I say more? How about Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters"? A song about sex, for certain, but it's important that we realize it's about a sexual nuance - coming out of the closet:

"Never openned myself this way.
Life is ours - we live it our way.
All these words I don't just say, and nothing else matters."

    But what about songs like Led Zepplin's "Stairway to Heaven"? Is it about sex? What about John Lennon's "Imagine"? Obviously, these songs are both about drugs. That's why it's important that we understand that rock stars have two main concerns - sex and drugs. Let's look at the Ramones' "I Wanna Be Sedated":

"Twenty, twenty, twenty-four hours to go.
I wanna be sedated.
Nothing to do, nowhere to go.
I wanna be sedated."

    Obviously, this one's about drugs. But even if we eliminate all the rock songs about sex and drugs, we still have a remainder. One example is "Burning Down the House" by Talking Heads:

"Watch out - you might get what you're after.
Cool babies - strange but not a stranger.
I'm an ordinary guy. Burning down the house."

    Don't think about this one too long, because it doesn't fit into sex or drugs very well. Certainly, it might be about someone who doesn't make sense because they're on drugs, or perhaps it's a very extended metaphor for sex, but it just doesn't appeal to one of those two categories. Bands like Talking Heads, who refuse to follow the time-tested Rock & Roll formula, necessitate the third category - songs about Nothing.

    Now, with this scientific theory under our belt, it's time to do a little experimentation. On the following page, you'll find 20 fairly famous rock songs, with a sample of their lyrics. We'd like you to give your educated opinion about the song's meaning - is it about Sex, Drugs or Nothing?

Thus, we have created a survey.

Proceed to the Survey!

See the Results of the Rock & Roll Innuendo Study!